From time to time, each of us begins to feel that we are at the end of our rope. Stress from the day-to-day problems of young children, a fight with your partner, unhappiness with a parent or even unhappiness with yourself.
Handling stress and explosive times is a skill that is learned; no one needs that skill more than a parent of a young child or children.
Here are a few pointers when you are really feeling stressed:
1. Take time to ask yourself what you need or want. If you think about what you want or need, you might be able to solve the problem right there.
2. Sit down and think pleasant thoughts to try to calm yourself. Relaxing has lots of benefits for all of us.
3. Be slow about disciplining your child. It might be better to wait rather than to do or say something you might later wish you had not.
4. Don’t try to do too much too fast. Your expectations can put you into an even worse place if you can’t accomplish all you set out to accomplish.
5. This isn’t the day to discuss a major family issue with your partner. You really might want to save that for another time when you are feeling better.
6. Do something nice for yourself. Take a bubble bath or read a book or magazine.
7. Do something physical to help relieve some of the tension. Exercise can help you lose stress as well as to lose weight.
8. Check in with yourself several times a day. See if you are getting your stress or angry feelings under control. It is easy at the end of the day to say it has been a terrible day but, with a closer check on yourself, you might find that you were doing a lot better at specific times during the day.
9. Call someone and talk over your stress or your angry feelings. If you can tell someone about the issues that are creating your stress, you might be clearer even to yourself about what is happening. It can be a spouse, a neighbor or someone you met at your child’s preschool. Give this person a call and schedule time to talk. This can make an ordinary day into something special — a real treat for the day. It gives you a break from just being with children and it is nice to share your life with a friend.
Other options
If these kinds of opportunities aren’t available to you, figure out how you treat yourself to something special.
If no one is around for you to share your coffee or tea, then pour some coffee or tea in your best cup, sit down, pick up a book, put your feet up, relax and have your coffee or tea by yourself. You deserve a chance to be special.
Stress is a part of everyone’s life. Handling it properly is learned. We all have days when we wish we could start all over from the beginning — days when things can’t be any worse. These are days we have to be especially careful of those around us. These are the days when we do things we wish we hadn’t done.
It is OK to have a regrouping day — a day when you just kind of kick back and take it easy. Do something nice for yourself. Let your partner know if you need to have a break or a chance to just go out together to get something to eat.
Having a night out or even just a break for a few minutes with your partner or someone who understands will help tomorrow be better.
Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.
