The poem starts:

“Small feet freeze

In darkness,

Snarled, twisted, resting

Below my heart.

Hidden hairy blackness,

Limbs with webs crushing,

Sickening me …”

And the weird little poem goes on unrelenting in its imagery and drawing a picture of a dark helplessness.

Anyone who has experienced sexual abuse and assault as a child will recognize the moment and the terrible feelings. These children hold the deep knowledge that a few minutes of malevolent degradation of their bodies and spirits leaves a lifetime of damage.

I wrote the weird little poem a few years ago, for no particular reason other than the words were nagging me to write them down. To this day over 70 years later, I cannot tell you what happened. I can only tell you that my feet were cold, ice cold.

Cold statistics

Worldwide, one in four girls will be sexually abused by the time she reaches the age of 18 and one in six boys.

Nationally, the figures depend on what survey one reads, but none of it is good. The most conclusive statistics I found were gathered from studies and reported by the Lightness to Dark Organization in 2013. The conclusions drawn were that one in seven girls and one in 25 boys or, totally, one in 10 children in America will be sexually abused before they turn 18.

Statistics of prevalence of child sexual abuse are showing a decline. Yet, that generation of men that I grew up with and who thought that women and girls were there for their pleasure are still with us. Some are in prominent and powerful positions.

I don’t need to remind anyone of the words of the candidate before elected President or stories of millions of dollars in settlements intended to silence women who were compromised when sex became a condition of place or position.

Two factors seem to create variability in reported statistics. For instance, depending on the survey, 9-28 percent of women report having been sexually abused as a child. One factor is that the definitions of sexual abuse vary. Forcible fondling contrasted with forcible rape may seem insufficient to report under the definition of assault or violence.

The reality is that both are unwanted and both are demeaning and damaging.

The second reason is the victim may not report the assault or, worse, may report it and have it not believed. How many boys tried to tell their moms that the parish priest was hurting them.

In some cases, the child is too young or the perpetrator is someone essential to survival like a father or mother. Tribal instincts and loyalty are strong and abusive situations are known to stay in the family to protect the perpetrator. We don’t tell.

As adults, we don’t bring it up either except in the most private and safe circumstances. We are embarrassed, ashamed and wary. We have incorporated the denial of our own identity and dignity into a hidden part of our very being.

Betrayal, damage

We must remember that in most cases, sexual abuse isn’t the only abuse the child is experiencing. How could it be unless it’s the small boy in the arms of the priest. In all cases, it is a betrayal of innocence and a betrayal by the adults who surround us; who should be watching out for our safety.

Often in the home setting, the abuse is associated with or accompanied by neglect. One parent is absent or suffering drug addiction. A child is left alone or with a stranger.

Either experiencing or witnessing verbal and/or physical abuse is common. A young woman I counseled years ago, and whom I referred to more professional help than I could provide, spent years unwinding the complex story of her assault and the near death her mother experienced at the hands of the same man.

The legacy left is damage that festers in young bodies and spirits. There is no question that the trauma results in patterns of responses that would not otherwise be present or as exaggerated.

I don’t know what is most common or if one can single out one outcome, but the one I felt the most and to this day catch myself feeling is hypervigilance or a sense of being unsafe and on the alert.

A study sponsored through the Center for Communicable Disease and Kaiser Permanente surveyed 17,000 Kaiser members in which their health status as an adult was correlated with the number of adverse childhood experiences reported by the member.

The vast study referred to as ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) took into consideration all variables and concluded that children who experienced adverse events would consequently develop a chronic disease by middle age.

Adverse experiences included physical, emotional and sexual abuse and household challenges such as substance abuse, mental illness and adult partner violence.

The more experiences the greater the likelihood, number and severity of disease.

The woman I mentioned above developed Type 1 diabetes as an adult. I developed hypertension years ago. Neither of us have recent family history of the conditions.

Less surprising, I suppose, are an increased incidence of alcohol abuse, depression, financial stress, unintended pregnancies and poor academic achievement.

The beginning …

A chance reading of a Facebook posting by Shenna Younger, a wife, mother, successful business person and child sexual abuse survivor brought me to this column today.

She posted the sense of liberation she felt in revealing at last, that she was a victim of child sexual abuse and assault. She found her voice over all the obstacles that keep victims silent.

Shenna was calling it out and from her message intends to move frozen voices to speak the truth about child sexual abuse. She encouraged others to tell their stories and pull their stories out of shameful darkness into air and light.

We met over lunch as sisters. Like most of us, a piece of her life was devoted to reconciliation of dark memories, a process now accelerated. She mentioned the local private school in which a teacher recently fondled children or worse in the classroom.

“Everyone felt and expressed disgust about the perpetrator,” she said, “I asked them to think about the children. What about them? We forget them.”

Shenna is determined to bring about a shift to openness in our community and wants to begin by establishing an environment of listening, acceptance and support.

I will help her.

“The Beginning,” a term we named the effort, is reaching out through this column and other ways and inviting women of all ages who have experienced childhood sexual abuse to come together.

And, together we will listen and make our way out of frozen voices.

If you wish to join us, you are invited to contact me through this column or Shenna Younger at thebeginningpage@gmail.com or 461-4288.

Bertha D. Cooper is retired from a 40-plus year career as a health care administrator focusing on the delivery system as a whole. She still does occasional consulting. She is a featured columnist at the Sequim Gazette. Reach her at columnists@sequimgazette.com.