It can really be difficult when your child is having problems in school whether they are academic or social. This is true no matter what grade your child is in. But what can you do?

Actually there is quite a bit you can do. It begins by listening to what the problem is. See how your child describes the problem. Ask what solutions he has thought about on how to handle it.

Let him know what you think about his solutions but be careful to not be too negative. That is one of the biggest problems you can get into when your child is having problems. You can get mad. If the whole issue becomes negative and filled with anger, you aren’t much help. You are just a new part of the problem.

Instead of anger, think about how you can help but don’t make it your problem. As he tells you of the problem see how it is bothering him, what he thinks about it, what he has tried, what he thinks he should try, and basically, what’s next. If this has been a part of his history at school and socially, you probably will handle it differently than if this is new this year. If he is struggling and always has had to struggle academically, help him to learn to accept himself. Help him see strengths as he struggles with weaknesses.

Even if he doesn’t do very well academically, he still can do well with friends. Talk with him about his social life and help him make friends and keep friends. You even can help him figure out what a good friend is if you take the time to talk together and listen together.

If he isn’t doing his homework, you can show your interest but you shouldn’t do his work for him. Your child’s homework is not your responsibility – it’s his.

The important thing you are doing is trying to keep life positive by finding the ways to keep the situation as positive as possible. Just as you don’t ever want dinner time to be filled with negative information and thoughts, this is true for the rest of the day. If your child can’t do well in school, you want to find any area where he does do well in school.

Stay involved in school. Many parents are very involved as they help their child begin school and kindergarten in this new part of her life. (Even though we are mostly talking about him, the thoughts her apply equally for girls.) This continues but in many cases there is a major drop in the parents’ involvement. Don’t let this happen.

This doesn’t mean you have to join the PTA or PTO or sell magazines every year. It does mean you need to keep your ears open, learn how to stay current, check the website from the school, go to the student-teacher parent conferences and keep up on how your child is doing.

By the time your child is in high school, he may tell you that you don’t need to go to school. But that is an important time to go. One teacher said that “Everything in high school is credit-driven, test-driven. “It’s a lot of pressure on each high school student. Each student needs a team — the parents and teachers.” He encourages parents of even high school students to meet the teachers and get in touch before progress reports or report card time.

Think carefully before you say negative things about school. Your child’s view of school is greatly impacted by yours. When you say negative things about school or other things, your child is likely to be influenced by what he hears.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.