We all need to eat … but what happens at dinner when you all sit down together as a family, or even just with your partner, is even more important than what we consume.

Dinner is a time to share things about your life and how you are spending your time, to talk about whatever is important to you. In this brief period, you have a chance to learn a little bit of what is happening in each person’s life. You have an opportunity to show you are interested in your children and what they are doing.

Dinner is a great time to say to each other how important time together really is. It doesn’t take a long time, so turn off the TV and put the cell phones in the other room. It is rude to ignore others at the table to check one’s mail or return someone’s phone call.

Don’t try to solve the problems of the day … in fact, don’t let problems or anger be discussed during this important time. Let each person talk for part of the time. Listen to each other. You can ask questions about your partner’s day but be sure to keep things in balance so the children are actively included.

Set a goal for having dinners together regularly no matter what the ages of your children. Sometimes it won’t work but then make sure it happens the next day. Talk together about how you can make this happen but make sure that you are ready to help make this time positive and useful.

Next time, when you are eating in a restaurant, look around. See how many people have cellphones in their laps or even on the table. Do you see people ignoring whoever is with them in order to be on their cellphone? This is a change in habits that cell phones have precipitated that is not a good one. This is a way to teach your children how to be polite, how important time together is, and how to make a special time even more special.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation.