Being a grandmother is a special responsibility. While it has some similarities to being a first-time mom, it is different: You have a chance to be someone special to this new little one, but you don’t usually have to do all the work that goes with being a mom.

Grandmothers have a chance to influence and to watch the growth and change that occurs with your new grandchild, but you get to go home and have a good night’s sleep after a long day together.

Maybe this isn’t how it works for you, however. For some grandparents, a new grandchild is a much bigger responsibility. You may be the primary person who is with this child all day long, as your adult child may be employed during the day and you may be needed more than you planned.

Maybe you are the grandparent who lives in the next state or across the country. Or, you are the grandma who is working and doesn’t have time to spend with the new grandchild, leading to guilty feelings because you hardly ever see them.

The important part of grandparenting is to have some role. If you can’t see your grandchild, write to them. Send them something special. It doesn’t have to be anything big or expensive. It is just something she can say came from grandma.

Even a note from you can be special. Don’t wait for a holiday or a birthday to send a note that tells her you love her. Send her a picture you took or even one you drew. You don’t have to be a photographer or an artist.

We expect a lot as a grandparent and can be disappointed in ourselves when we can’t deliver. Don’t be disappointed in yourself. Instead, make a difference. Send your toddler grandson a truck for him to play with. How about sending a game to your growing granddaughter?

Don’t forget to pick up books to send to each of your grandchildren. Send special articles to your daughter that give her ideas on raising your grandchildren.

You can be a significant grandmother if you just try. You don’t have to see your grandchildren but let them know you would like to see them. You have an important role in their lives.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.