When your child does the wrong thing, you respond. Perhaps you restrict what they can do, or you take something from them for a period of time. Then you talk with them about why what they did was wrong.

You want your child to understand that this is something they should not do again.

All of this behavior is fine. Hopefully it gets you the response you want. But what about rewarding your child for what she has done right? Do you give your child a reward when she does the right thing? If you spend time talking with her about what she does wrong, do you spend time talking to her when she does something that is right?

Rewarding good behavior is just as important as talking about what a child has done wrong. Far too many times, parents respond to the negative behavior and hardly acknowledge the positive behavior.

What about you? When was the last time you gave your child a big hug for something she did right? When did you tell everyone at dinner how great your child was when she was sharing her toys with her friend?

Did you tell her how proud you were of her when she sent a thank you note to her grandma for a present she received and how she did this without being reminded?

It isn’t enough to just think how nice your child’s behavior was recently. You need to do something about it that lets your child know you are really pleased with what she has done.

You don’t want to go overboard. Make your praise appropriate to the behavior. Children can tell if your praise is genuine. Make certain your praise fits as a reward for what she has just done.

Try to mix up rewards. Rewards work best when your child doesn’t expect the same reward each time. Sometimes a hug is appropriate. Other times the best thing you can do is just talk with her about what she has done so well.

Another great way to encourage good behavior is to develop a token system. In this system, your child earns a small token for each desired behavior. Once she earns a specific number of tokens she earns a small reward.

Another kind of reward is when your child earns a special time with mom and dad or a chance to stay up later than usual. Even a movie night or a new book are good rewards. These kinds of rewards keeps the focus on encouraging positive behavior.

Think of ways that would be best for your child. Remember to use these kinds of rewards whether they are just a hug or something special and new.

None of this means you ignore poor behavior. You just need to equalize the use of positive versus negative. Though we expect positive, we will get a lot more of it if we just respond in special ways when we experience these wonderful positive times.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.