Parenting Matters: Bullying in Sequim?

Recent reports on the news indicate that bullying is on the rise in schools. It isn’t clear we have seen an upsurge in Sequim, but it is something that children over the years have had to face.

If your child is from a minority group, it is a slightly greater risk. With the increasing emphasis on social media, bullying has expanded in recent years.

Most parents know if their child is involved in bullying. You may not know whether your child is a victim or the bully when it begins but eventually it shows up. It may show up if you see your child’s behavior change or grades suffer as he or she becomes a victim. You may see an increasing use of computers and laughter if your child becomes a bully.

ADVERTISEMENT
0 seconds of 0 secondsVolume 0%
Press shift question mark to access a list of keyboard shortcuts
00:00
00:00
00:00
 

When bullying becomes a major problem, studies show that people who are abused by their peers are at risk for mental health problems, such as low self-esteem, stress, depression or anxiety. They also may think about suicide.

Bullies are at risk for problems, too. Bullying is violence and it often leads to more violent behavior as the bully grows up. This is why we need to stop bullying in the early stages.

Don’t ignore the problem; take a look at ways you can help.

If your child is the bully:

1. Talk about bullying behavior over and over again. Listen to what your child says about bullying at school or at home.

2. Express the importance of being careful not to hurt other people’s feelings. Again, listen to your child’s response. There is much to be learned listening.

3. Try to teach the difference between friendly and hurtful teasing. See if your child can give you examples of different kinds of teasing.

4. Don’t allow bullying among siblings. You learn much about how your child treats others by how your child treats a sibling.

5. Don’t assume only boys bully; girls can be bullies, too, especially using social media. Everyone can be a victim.

6. Be a positive role model. When your child listens to you talk with your friends, you are a role model. Make sure your behavior is a positive one when you talk about friends and relatives to others.

If your child is the victim:

1. Talk about bullying and harassing. Discuss what it is and who at school does it. Let your child feel your concern but go slowly on your response to protect him. Make sure what you do will not make life more difficult for him.

2. Look for signs your child is being bullied such as sudden decline in grades, inappropriate temper outbursts, loss of appetite, physical bruises, regularly losing school supplies and possessions at school, problems sleeping and not wanting to go to school or ride the bus. Talk with your child about how you can offer support.

3. Teach your child when and how to ask for help at school. Discuss going to a teacher, counselor or even the principal. Help your child get the help.

4. Remind your child that bullies love to isolate kids so he should stay in a group. Discuss times he can’t be part of a group and how to handle things.

5. Encourage your child to become friends with others or to become involved in group activities. Talk with teachers or the counselor to see what they would suggest.

6. Be empathetic and caring when discussing this with your child. Never blame a victim. Your child needs your support and encouragement.

7. Alert the school. Don’t ignore this problem. Your child needs for you to help with this difficult situation. Be his advocate.

It is estimated that about 30 percent of teens in the U.S. have been involved in bullying. Actually, younger teens are more likely to be involved than older teens. Physical bullying occurs at the younger teen ages. As the teen grows older, it is more likely to be rumors and using social media. Boys usually use physical bullying more frequently.

Solving teen bullying isn’t easy. The best way to help is to encourage the child to seek friends who are supportive and kind. Groups discourage bullying so encourage your child to move in groups.

In the end, it is difficult to totally prevent teenage bullying even in a town like Sequim. This is especially true if it is verbal, emotional or cyber-bullying. If each of us helps in some way to reduce bullying, it lets victims see that you are willing to be involved. Offer your help to a victim of bullying to get through this tough time. That help can make a huge difference.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.