It is difficult when our child gets angry. You can label this behavior anything you like but many would call what happens when your child gets super angry as a tantrum.
All parents dislike when their child has a tantrum. Even if you don’t like them, they happen.
According to Kathy Levinson, author of “First Aid for Tantrums,” most children will have tantrums at some point. She writes humorously but honestly about tantrums and how they can continue through the teens and into adulthood.
Fortunately, most children outgrow this behavior by the time they enter kindergarten.
• 1-year-olds: 14 percent have tantrums every day
• 2- and 3-year-olds: 20 percent have two or more tantrums a day
• 4-year-olds: 11 percent have tantrums every day
• 5- to 17-year-olds: 5 percent demonstrate emotional explosions that look an awful lot like a tantrums
• Adults can throw tantrums; these are usually called “making a scene”
One of her main messages is that when kids are coming apart with a tantrum, parents need to remain in control. Parents need to know that children learn from temper tantrums; they learn about tolerating frustration.
Parents learn too; they learn how to avoid tantrums by recognizing when they happen and what they can do to keep things from falling apart.
Problem-solving
One of the best ways to learn how to handle tantrums is to figure out how to avoid them. If a tantrum happens, see if there is a time your child is more likely to misbehave.
Try to understand your child’s behavior and see if there is a pattern to the tantrums your child is experiencing.
Even without having to experience a tantrum but just more negative behavior there are things you can do to lessen the problem. Make sure you have appropriate and realistic expectation for your child. This can be helpful in preventing tantrums or even just every day kinds of negative behavior.
Think about what you have told him you would do if he misbehaves. Then be sure you follow through. If he learns you will likely not follow through, do not be surprised when he tests it.
Set up times for him to do the right thing and to succeed. Ask for his help on something. But when he does what you ask, make sure he hears your pleasure.
Do not reward him when he does the wrong thing even if it will quiet him down or make him stop doing something. If you told him to put up all of his toys, do not reward him for just a few. If you are not willing to deal with the problem, be quiet.
Try to tell your child what to do, not what not to do. It is very easy to get into the habit of talking to your child in too much of a negative way.
If what you are doing with your child does not work, try doing something different. Be sure you do not just get louder.
Be fair. This is important
Check out your own behavior. See if some ways you behave might decrease the chances of more negative behavior.
You have a very important role in discipline working. Evaluate what you are doing. Make sure you are doing the most effective disciplining you can do. Tantrums and just plain negative behavior can be changed.
Think through how you can be more effective or at least a little bit better as a disciplinarian.
Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. To reach interim First Teacher Executive Director Patty Waite, email patty@firstteacher.org or call 360-681-2250.
