“You know, life fills you full of challenges,” said Jeff Pogue, reflecting on a life that could be roughly divided into three phases. “It’s just how you handle them and keep persevering and pushing forward and making the best of every bad situation.

“That’s what we’ve done,” he says, referring to the life based on love and communication that he and wife Cathy Biedler have built over the last 25 years.

For more than two decades Pogue has expressed his love and constancy through the notes he writes Biedler.

“I love to wake up every morning and know there’s at least one or two on the stove for me,” said Biedler, whose mobility is restricted by COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). “There’s pictures that he’s drawn that are goofy, and little cute sayings….”

“It’s become a habit for me now,” said Pogue. “It’s just something I enjoy doing.”

“If he misses a day or two,” said Biedler, “when I call him at work to let him know I’m up, I’ll say, ‘Are you mad at me?’” The couple burst into laughter.

There are approximately 3,000 of these notes, said Biedler, which she has collected in 13 scrapbooks. She is working on her 14th. She said that once she’s got a good stack, “I’ll sit down at the table, cutting and pasting them so I can get them into the book.”

She said that it’s good for her heart, the love she feels during this activity. “It’s because you get to re-read them, and look at the cute pictures and think, ‘Oh my God, did he really do this?’”

Pogue said,“it’s neat to go back and look through them” and identify the periods they were made in.

“The nice thing about scrapbooking and these love notes are she’ll have them forever,” he said, comparing them to digital messages. “You lose your phone, they’re gone forever. This is the power of pen and paper.”

Biedler said that they have six grandchildren and two great grandchildren who may someday receive the scrapbooks. “If something ever happens to us, I told my oldest granddaughter, ‘you can either burn them or give them away.’”

Does Biedler ever write Pogue notes? “I got more from him than he does from me,” she said. “He might have maybe a hundred.”

Biedler, said Pogue, “not only does scrapping, she’s an accomplished painter. She’ll turn those into masterpieces,” he said, gesturing at large white molded sculptures beside an abundance of painted ones. His pride in his wife is evident.

History

Pogue said, “I think our relationship has done so well because we both come from, how should I say…”

“Hard beginnings of life,” Biedler finished for him.

The couple said that they met at a substance abuse treatment agency in Auburn.

“They told us it would never work,” Biedler said, smiling. “You’re not supposed to date your buddies in treatment, because…”

“Because you’re both vulnerable for relapse,” finished Pogue. “But being the rebels we are, we decided to fight the odds and make it work.”

He continued, “We’ve had some major challenges in life.”

“We no sooner got moved over here and got our first house in Sequim,” said Biedler, “when Jeff came down with Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.”

From 2000-2006 Pogue was successfully treated for cancer and also a rare disease called vanishing bile duct syndrome.

“They couldn’t treat my cancer the way they do most cancer because my liver was so fragile,” explained Pogue. “It was dying. So they had to hydrate me for 22 hours before they gave me chemo. And for another 10 hours after chemo. So my body would be totally hydrated to accept the chemo.”

“And we spent six months over in Seattle…” said Biedler.

“For a complete stem cell transplant,” said Pogue, finishing the sentence. “It’s been 18 years since my stem cell replacement. Every day is a blessing.

“Because I had a 20-year cocaine addiction, my cancer became my blessing in disguise. Here’s how: for the first 20 years with cocaine, I was practicing suicide every day, and not caring.

“When I found out I had cancer, I suddenly wanted to live. I was going to do everything I could possibly do to live, fight this. I knew if I ever went out and used again, I’d probably die. So cancer became my blessing in disguise. It was a reason not to go out and use again.”

Family, he said, was his primary motivator in becoming a responsible person, both his birth family from Sequim and the grandchildren Biedler shared with him.

Wisdom

Life, said Pogue, “is a one day at a time thing. It really is. They preach that in recovery: one day at a time. Well, by God, you know we only have one day. We have today. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow’s not quite here yet.

“It’s a lot easier to deal with the problems in your immediate world if you just focus on what you can do in the day. It may not solve that problem, but it’ll put you one step closer to getting that problem solved.

“What I have today is a beautiful woman sitting over there. We have a home. I’m cancer free. I’m drug free. I have family, I have a job. We have a beautiful life together. We don’t have, by any means, riches, but we are both very rich in heart.”

Their advice for other couples?

Biedler said, “Be patient.”

Pogue agreed.

“Like she said, be patient, listen to each other, give each other the same respect that you want,” he said. “Make time for each other.”

“It takes a lot to make a marriage work,” said Biedler. “It’s not just agreeing, it’s working at it and everything else.”

“A lot of relations start off very passionate,” said Pogue. “And then you really start learning about your partner, who you’ve chosen to be with. Then you realize that, ‘Oh God, she’s got habits.’

“But you learn to live with them. I’m not exactly perfect. There’s things I do that I know just irritates the heck out of her.”

They smiled at each other and he continued, “But you learn to look past them, or you learn to speak up. If you let it harbor inside, things start snowballing. It won’t work if you’re not able to talk about it. Or, in my case, write about it.” After an argument, he said, “I’d write something and it made it easier to break the ice.”

Pogue said that his father advised him when he was young, “’If you want to keep a woman in your heart, or keep a woman who loves you, write her a note every day. Could be simple, but it’ll put a smile on her face and that’ll let her know that you love her every day.’”