Bullying in many schools has become a major issue. More than 25 percent of public schools report that bullying on campus occurs on a daily basis.

With one in five high school students reporting being bullied in the past year, schools and communities are taking a strong stand against bullying.

Most kids have been teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. Teasing is not usually harmful when it is done in a playful, friendly, mutual way and both kids find it funny. But when it becomes hurtful, unkind and constant, it is no longer teasing; it is bullying and it needs to stop.

Bullying is intentional tormenting in physical, verbal or psychological ways. It can include hitting, shoving, name-calling, threats and mocking to extorting money and possessions.

Some kids bully by talking about other kids or shunning them. Others use the Internet or electronic messaging to deliberately hurt others’ feelings. In really serious cases, bullying has been the cause of tragedies, such as suicides.

Unless your child tells you about bullying, it can be difficult to figure out if it’s happening. But look for warning signs. Your child may be acting differently or seem anxious. He may not be sleeping well or doing things he usually likes to do. He may seem moody or he may avoid going to school or riding the bus.

As a parent, you have an important role to play. Here are some ways you can help if this becomes an issue in your home.

1. Talk about bullying together. This is an important topic for families to discuss. Have everyone share their experiences. Parents can join in on the discussion. If one of your kids opens up about being bullied, praise him or her for being willing to share the experience and then talk about what happened. If you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find ways to bring up bullying. You may see a situation on a TV show and use it to start a conversation by asking, “What do you think that person should have done?” This might give you a chance to ask, “Have you ever seen this happen or has it happened to you?”

You might want to talk about any experiences you or another family member had at his age. Let your child know you are there to help. Sometimes kids feel like it’s their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently, it wouldn’t be happening.

Praise your child for doing the right thing by talking to you about it. Emphasize that it’s the bully who is behaving badly — not your child. Reassure your child that you will figure out what to do about it together.

2. Find out about your local school policies about bullying. Check with your child’s school to learn its policies and how they handle bullying. Let someone at school (the principal, school nurse, or a counselor or teacher) know about the situation. They often are in a position to monitor and take steps to prevent further problems. Most schools have bullying policies and anti-bullying programs. In addition, many states have bullying laws and policies. Find out about the laws in your community. In certain cases, if you have serious concerns about your child’s safety, you may need to contact legal authorities.

3. Encourage your child to stay with friends. When kids are with other kids, they are less likely to be picked on than when they are alone. Talk with your child about where he is when he is being picked on so you can think of ways to have more than one person there with him. This can work on the school bus, in the bathroom and even when he is going to his locker.

4. Talk about keeping calm. Bullies want you to respond. They want to know that they have hurt you. Help your child understand that his best defense may be to remain calm, ignore the hurtful remarks and walk away. If your child isn’t easily upset, he has a better chance of walking away from the bully who wants a response.

5. Ask for help. Let your kids know that if they’re being bullied or harassed — or see it happening to someone else — it’s important to talk to someone about it (a teacher, school counselor, a sibling or family friend). Talking to a bully’s parents can be constructive, but it’s generally best to do so in a setting where a school official, such as a counselor can mediate.

Bullying is important to take seriously and not just pretend it will go away or is something kids just have to get past. Bullying can affect a child’s sense of self-worth and safety. Bullying hurts.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.