Do you treat your child differently if she is a girl than if she were a boy? Think about it. Equality begins early and even children suffer when boys and girls are treated differently. Children of both sexes need support and encouragement.

Research reported in the journal Adolescence confirms what most of us suspect: We’re more protective of our daughters and more permissive with our sons. When we treat girls and women differently, we send them the message that they are dependent on someone else for their safety and well-being. It is a message that says that females are not as capable as males. It is not a message to send at any age.

Certainly there are very real safety issues that will dictate some decisions, but as much as possible you need to make the same decisions for both your sons and your daughters. Think about some of the ways boys are treated differently than girls from the beginning.

• Parents talk more with baby girls than with baby boys. This might explain why young, poor boys have particular trouble in school. (“The Power of Talking to Your Baby,” New York Times, April 10, 2013)

• Baby girls would rather look at faces than mobiles which is the opposite of boys.

• Baby boys aren’t any less sensitive but parents need to help them have words for their feelings.

• Baby girls are likely to be potty trained earlier than boys.

• Baby girls are better at figuring out people’s emotions based on facial expressions than boys are. Experts think girls are taught to express their feelings while boys are encouraged to suck it up.

As children age, the differences are still there:

• Boys are permitted to work outside the home at an earlier age than daughters. The end result is greater independence.

• Girls are more likely to do housework than boys. Unfortunately, this sends the message that the home is a woman’s domain and teaches boys from an early age a kind of learned helplessness.

• Boys receive more encouragement from their fathers about participation in sports than girls do.

• Teens perceive that boys get to use the family car more often than girls, thus granting them greater independence.

Think about what you do differently for your child or your grandchild that might be related just to which sex they are. When your daughter climbs up high on the swing set, do you stop her? Would you stop her if she were a boy doing the same thing? Don’t overprotect your daughter when she climbs up on the swing set glider. You certainly can caution her but also praise her for her skill. Don’t distract your son from his feelings. Help him put his feelings into words and praise him for being a thoughtful person.

Both boys and girls need compliments on their accomplishments and their appearance. Encourage your son when he wants to cuddle a doll or is gentle with a pet or even when he wants to play house. Encourage your daughters to be athletic and physically active.

Talk to your baby a lot no matter which sex. Read to your baby and your child. Encourage your child to be considerate of others because it is the right thing to do. Play ball with your daughter and make believe with your son. Encourage your daughter to do well in math and for your son to do well in English. Praise your son for his affectionate ways with pets and young children and praise your daughter for her physical abilities.

Children who are allowed to grow free from stereotypes enjoy the best of all worlds. They can have physical skill, an increased ability to use words and learn about caring for others. Perhaps the greatest favor we can do for our boys’ and girls’ self-esteem is to break stereotypes and simply work to raise good people.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.