Where does love come from? Do we learn about love and affection from watching our parents or is it maybe from just watching the movies? Are we born knowing about love? Is it something that comes with time and maturity and all of the sudden we know about it?

It certainly is something most of us are interested in, but why? The way that we feel and convey love is not something we learn as adults, but a part of us at birth and then molded and shaped by experiences throughout our lives. The Committee on Integrating the Science of Early Childhood Development reported that children who do not establish secure attachments as infants often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions as well as the feelings of others.

Bonding with your child is more than merely taking care of your baby’s needs. We all focus on providing good meals, education, material needs, and around-the-clock care for our children but bonding is more than that. The best way to ensure a healthy emotional future for your little one is through the everyday nonverbal emotional exchanges.

Babies don’t know what they need – they feel what they need – and communicate that in some nonverbal way: crying, smiling, grunting, pointing, grabbing, or something similar. Your nonverbal response makes your child feel safe, secure, balanced and mostly – loved.

Sans words

What do we mean by non-verbal communication? Here are four simple ways to create a strong and secure attachment:

• Eye contact – Maintain eye contact with your child whenever you can. This makes her feel safe, relaxed, and happy. He will also become more comfortable as he grows older making eye contact with others.

• Facial expression – Children often lack the emotional intelligence to convey the details of their emotions in words, so by simply mirroring their facial expression will make them feel understood. Follow that with a hug to comfort them and then slowly change your expression to one of relaxation and calm. Watch as your child’s face, temperament and demeanor follows your lead.

• Touch – One of the most loving ways to bond with your baby while nursing is to maintain eye contact and stroke her face. This gentle touch is soothing and causes her to look to you for safety and comfort. Let your baby stroke your face as well. Even with your teen, take her arm or her hand and let her know you are there for her.

• Undivided attention – Do your best to make exclusive time with your baby and give him all of your attention. A child never outgrows the need for undivided attention.

‘Balance is key’

Many times, our responsibilities as an adult don’t fit with our responsibilities as a parent. You may want to spend time with her but you need to make appointments for her doctor’s visit and also get to the store before you begin to make dinner.

You want to read her a story because you know that reading to her is important but you also want to watch your favorite television show. You may want to spend time just playing with her but you also have to take care of your own need to get your hair done.

It is easy to feel conflicted with how you spend your time when you have a child. But trying to balance your baby’s time and your everyday task time is tough.

But balance is the key. Your baby is watching, paying attention and learning.

Even if your child is well past his infant years, maintaining this emotional bond with him remains important.

Do your best to have loving eye contact, mirrored facial expressions and a compassionate touch with each of your family members and watch how the depth of the connection will grow.

Practice makes perfect, so the earlier that your children learn to decipher and respond to the nonverbal cues of their loved ones, the better equipped they will become at building healthy, emotionally attuned relationships and communicate more effectively as adults.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.