As a parent, one of your most important goals is to raise children who become independent and self-reliant people. Certainly as babies, your child relies on you. As your child grows and becomes more independent, he still depends on you for love, protection, guidance and support.

As your child reaches adolescence and moves toward adulthood, he become less dependent on you and gains greater independence in all aspects of his life. The role you have as a parent is to help him learn in more and more ways to become an independent person.

A child isn’t able to become independent on her own. She doesn’t have the experience or skill without your help. Independence is a gift you give her that will benefit her the rest of her life. As a parent, you provide your child with essential ingredients for gaining independence:

• The first ingredient is to give your child love and respect. This gives him the confidence to move ahead.

• Then show confidence in his abilities so he will gain confidence in them, too.

• Teach him that he has control and responsibility over his life.

• Provide him guidance and then give him the freedom to make their own decisions.

So how do you do all of this?

When is the best age to begin to teach your child independence and how do you teach it? While each child is different, all children should begin to be taught independence lessons before they enter kindergarten. These lessons begin with asking if your little one wants eggs or cereal for breakfast.

Independence is being taught when you ask which book she wants the two of you to read together. Each time she is allowed to make her choice she is asserting her independence. This is the independence she will ultimately need to find the competence and security to explore the world.

As he grows older, give him chores to help him develop his ability to do things well and to do them independently. Let him make his bed each day or make his lunch to take to school. Even letting him make is own choice about what to wear is developing his independence. These are ways to learn to be on your own but to do it responsibly.

As she grows into adolescence her independence grows significantly. When she is driving, she is on her own. All the skills you have been working on over the years is put to work. This is the time you fill in the gaps that you hadn’t done earlier.

Here are some basic tips on guiding your kids to be progressively independent.

• Provide Opportunities — It is important that parents provide opportunities for their child to practice independence and even improve their decision-making skills. When you pick out your own food for your lunch you soon learn to take responsibility for the decisions you made.

• Show How to Make Decisions — Parents and adults should allow a child to make decisions by giving him choices. This will help him learn how to make tougher decisions as he grows older. Of course, the choices should begin early and be little choices. As your child grows, so does the choices he is allowed to make.

• Boost Child’s Confidence – Parents need to boost the morale and confidence of their child so the child is confident to make decisions and to face the challenges in life. A younger child can be very clingy. As she grows, parents can help decrease this clinginess by helping boost her confidence. Look for what your child does well and talk about it so she hears what you are saying.

• Model Independence – Children look up to their parents even when they aren’t doing things the way they should. Good and bad parents all set examples. Let your child see good examples of independence.

• Praise Your Child – Almost every child feels happy if he receives praise for what he does. Each time your child accomplishes something, praise him and let him know how good it is that he has done something so worthwhile. This motivates him to do better and learn to be increasingly independent.

• Develop Problem Solving Skills – As your child develops problem skills her confidence increases and her self-esteem grows.

So start today. No matter what has happened, make a point of improving on your child’s independence. Make sure you are providing the opportunities for your child to gain confidence which is an underlying trait of independence.

You need to help. You are essential. Help him or her be ready for the “real world” and to find a sense of competence, security and independence within themselves.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.