Several articles have included comments on the importance of modeling for your child. This is a very powerful way to teach your child. Even when you don’t mean to teach something to your child, your child learns lessons by what you do. Your child is learning every day from you by what you do.
That’s good and that’s bad. That is really good when you are modeling behavior you would like to see your child imitate and not good when it is behavior you aren’t especially proud of and wouldn’t want your child to imitate. Modeling can be good or it can be bad. If your child sees you reading a book, that is good modeling but if he sees you smoking a cigarette, no matter what kind, that is bad. If he sees you and your partner holding hands and laughing together, that is what you would like him to learn as opposed to seeing you argue and the fights perhaps becoming violent.
You need to think about the lessons you teach your child every day. They are powerful and can be difficult to undo.
If you are using drugs, that is what you are teaching your child to do. Your child knows if you aren’t behaving the same way as you were earlier. Your child knows a lot more than you think he knows. Secrets are tough to keep in families.
If you are drinking too much, that is what your child is going to try. How can you expect your child to avoid alcohol when he goes to parties after he sees you drinking a lot each day.
If you eat excessively, your child will be quick to learn to do the same thing. It’s tough to teach eat healthy when you aren’t modeling it. Reading the statistics on people drinking sodas is showing us that parents are modeling this behavior for their children from the beginning. It really is OK to say to your child that she can’t have sodas every day or at every meal.
If you scream or holler at your child or at your partner or perhaps even hit anyone in the family, you are teaching your child to do this same thing. Look for your child to react in a more violent way when this is the behavior he sees regularly. Few people want to teach their child to be violent or aggressive toward others yet modeling this behavior will increase the likelihood a child will become more violent and aggressive.
This is why you see drug problems, alcohol problems, weight problems and violent behavior that runs in families.
Role models needed
You need to be the one who demonstrates to your child the kind of behavior you want him to exhibit. So teaching appropriate behavior begins when you clean up your own act. At a minimum, you should at least feel guilty for modeling bad behavior for your child.
Begin today to look at your own behavior and figure out the lessons you are teaching your child. They reach into every area of life. Watch how you drive. Do you run stop signs or exceed the speed limit? We chastise our teens a great deal about being on the phone and driving. Do you?
If you ask your child to clean up his room, how does your room look? If you expect him to put things away when he is done, do you?
You are the person who models most behaviors for your child. Think about the behavior you are modeling. It isn’t as if your child will do exactly what you have modeled right away but it is likely down the road that you will see the results.
Make sure your behavior is filled with the lessons you want your child learn. Be proud of the behavior you are modeling.
Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.
