With an above-average, grade-point average, abysmal SAT score and a barely visible, blond soul patch, I graduated high school.

Life was set and I was sitting pretty or to most — as a pale, nerdy guy who liked Star Wars way too much.

My plan, like many of my fellow students, was to graduate, goof off that summer, go to college, find a career, start a family, etc. Part of that timeline remains true. But every June, as graduation cards come out in the grocery store and the weather gets nicer, I think about a phrase I coined my last night of high school — graduation is like a milkshake.

I remember thinking this in my mind as one of our valedictorians spoke.

I sat there munching on a Charleston Chew in my cap and gown wearing hi-top Chuck Taylors, cargo shorts and a punk rock T-shirt that was likely black.

I declared that if I were to ever give a commencement speech, that I would go up there with a milkshake and slurp away in between inspiring comments.

My reasoning was wholly selfish. I was craving a milkshake.

So years later, I’ve written an abridged graduation speech that maybe I’ll actually deliver someday.

Speech: “Matt’s milkshake gets all the grads in the yard”

Walk to podium. Possibly bow depending on if there’s a standing ovation. Bring out full-size cooler from off stage or under podium and bring out a milkshake. Take sip.

Me: There is nothing sweeter than the first sip of a milkshake. You’ve been wanting it. You finished all the hard stuff to get to it. Burger. Fries. Or onion rings. To each their own. There may be a chill down your stomach lining in anticipation, but you’ve earned it.

Hold up milkshake and admire it to the crowd.

Me: “You know, you’re all about to experience a milkshake of your own. Graduation.

You’ve learned the basics. You’ve excelled at math or writing or sports or something else remarkable. For some, this is a high point. For others, there’s even better to come. And for a few, you would totally drink the rest of my milkshake if I gave it to you. But this is a time to celebrate — much like it’s time for me to take another sip.”

Take sip. Take microphone in one hand and walk with it and milkshake.

Me: “Tonight you will enjoy with your peers your accomplishments and you’ll probably be congratulated by a lot of people in the days to come. But like this milkshake, the gift cards and celebratory cakes won’t be around the whole summer.

Instead, you’ll be buying dorm room furniture, looking for an apartment or painting your parents’ basement because future plans are still undecided.

But you can’t think practically at a time like this because this milkshake sugar high is a good 15 minutes. You’ve worked years to get here so live it up.

I distinctly remember a few of the highlights of my graduation night: winning a neon flamingo sign and trying to wear a traffic cone on my head. It was amazing.”

Note that some whipped cream fell down the straw and then slurp it up.

Me: “Oh man, that’s sweet.

Savor it. Soon, this glorious time will be over.

I got lucky and some whipped cream fell to the bottom. It’s a reminder of that sweet, sweet beginning, or for you, the end of an era.

From here on out you’ll likely think about this time sparingly.

You may see an old friend at the store, that cute girl you crushed on your sophomore year “friends” you on Facebook or oddly as you visit your parents on Thanksgiving, an underclassman, now a state patrolman, gives you a speeding ticket.

These are strange but euglorious times.”

Small sip.

Me: “Let’s talk more about this next stage. Everyone has their own path. Let’s imagine I spill the rest of this milkshake on my rental tuxedo.”

Hold up receipt.

Me: “Don’t worry, I have a safety deposit.

But just imagine it pouring down my shirt and coat going left and right and onto the floor flowing into the cracks into a puddle.

You, me and everyone in this room has their own path on this spilled milkshake river of chocolate or strawberry, depending on your allergies.

Some may go to college near my coat pocket or some may choose to go straight to work by my knee or some may get married at age 35 down by my shoe, but that’s life. We go unexpected places.

I think the shake is seeping into my socks and shoes, but that’s OK. It’s life, too. Maybe you have kids.

Watch as it flows down to your first home, a new car and good and bad relationships. Again, that’s life.

While this time may feel like the best times of your lives, remember there are plenty more paths to take.”

Look at milkshake surprised.

Me: “I got worried for a second I actually spilled it.”

Take a sip.

Me: “My life took a weird turn shortly into college. Some medical complications came up, I got very ill at campus, was hospitalized, dropped out and then 9/11 shook our nation days later.

Like many, it took me some time to get back in a rhythm. I took one writing course that fall semester thankfully. I readjusted, tried another semester and I got sick at the beginning of the spring term.

I took the summer and finally got my health and mind right before taking another full term. It took me a little longer than expected but I eventually earned my English degree and, through a milkshake trail that would take awhile to explain, I became a newspaper reporter.

It’s pretty rare for someone to know path A to path B immediately. But if you do, kudos. Follow it and run it hard. If it doesn’t feel right, the path always can go another direction unexpectedly and excitingly.

Remember, we all go our own paths but if I remember anything about my graduation and senior year it’s that it still tastes as sweet as this milkshake.”

Then vs. now

• When I graduated, “Jurassic Park III” (2001) had just come out. Fourteen years later, “Jurassic World” is out.

• The top TV shows in 2001 were “Survivor,” “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?,” “ER” and “Friends.” Today, I couldn’t tell you what’s on top because I mostly stream my entertainment from the Internet.

• The cell phone I used my senior year sat in my car’s glove compartment in case of emergencies. It had push buttons, could hold a charge for about a month if turned off and didn’t have an antenna. Today, I am annoyed if I can’t find a charge cord every night. #Firstworldproblems.