By Cynthia Martin
For the Sequim Gazette
People doing research on the brains of children who have been physically, sexually or emotionally mistreated have learned that this kind of abuse changes a child’s brain forever. This abuse is something a child will not “get over.”
The child who is abused and neglected will probably do poorly in school, be suspended more frequently, may repeat grades, and may even drop out of school. What you do to your child, and even what you say, significantly impacts them.
Parents take on a huge responsibility when they raise a child. You need to keep your child safe, encourage them, care for them, be with them, teach them and love them. The responsibility of raising a child may be the most serious one you ever undertake.
Here are a few of the loving things to do to make a difference in your child’s life.
Be consistent.
Be there for him.
Tell her you love her.
Tell him what he does correctly.
Give up smoking.
Be fair.
Give her hugs regularly.
Know where he is.
Stay away from illegal drugs.
Read with her.
Share close time together.
Do what you say you will do.
Take time and listen.
Strong families make time to spend together. Parents need to set aside time to spend with their children, whether it is a family outing, bedtime chat, or simply sitting down to have dinner together. Strong families do not just happen. Parents with effort and commitment create strong families.
One other ingredient in strong families is family members who really listen to one another. When your child wants to talk with you, really pay attention. Listen. Put down the newspaper, turn off the telephone and look your child in the eye. Nothing makes a child feel more important than to know someone cares that much to really listen.
When your child is fearful, get down on her level to reassure her. Sometimes we want to scoop up our child to keep her safe. Many times it is better to share the experience at her level. This may help her feel more confident as you kneel beside her or next to her, but still where you can protect her.
By responding to your baby when she cries, you are teaching her she can trust you. By feeding her when she is hungry, picking her up when she is distressed, keeping her from harm, and comforting her when she is upset, she learns trust.
It is this very foundation of trust that gives your child the strength to go on to the next step. When your child sees you holding the scary toy, they know it is okay because there is trust. When you pet the puppy they feel better about reaching to pet the puppy, again because of their trust in you. You have helped them overcome fear because they have developed trust in you.
Help your child to learn to trust by letting them trust you. It is the foundation of most of what they will learn. You teach them about trusting you every day. What a beautiful thing you teach your child.
Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.