By Cynthia Martin

For the Sequim Gazette

It isn’t Father’s Day but then every day is important. Fathers make a huge difference in the lives of their children and we have a tendency to ignore them. Although mom usually has the pivotal role in the child’s life, that in no way lessens the important role of the father.

Let’s just take a look at ways fathers play (or can play) a major role in their child’s life:

Fathers can actively support the mother. This is very important for dad. Even very young children can see when this is happening.

He can take the child shopping and give mom a break. This is one of the many ways to bond with a child.

Dads don’t play like moms play. A child needs both kinds of play.

Same thing when it comes to working together. Mom and dad do different kinds of work in the home and yard. Dad needs to introduce his child to the kind of work he does. Be a model of how to mow and edge the lawn and even how to weed.

Bedtime is a strong bonding time if a parent chooses to make it so. Reading stories in bed or talking about the day is a special time with few distractions and just a time for closeness. Dads should be doing this at least half the time if not more.

Helping with homework or with issues that come up during the school day is one more way of being together. Let mom check over the work she knows best but dad should do the same for the work he is most knowledgeable about. One does math, one does language arts. Both do teacher visits or open houses. If dad doesn’t know how his child is doing in school, he is missing out on an important part of fathering.

Taking the family out to eat from time to time can be special times together, but even eating together at home is important. How else do children learn manners and ways to help prepare a meal than through these everyday lessons?

Both parents should be a model for not overusing alcohol. It is rather ironic when parents who overly indulge in drinking are critical of their child’s underage drinking. The same is true for using drugs or smoking.

Sharing discipline with the mother doesn’t mean dad is there to apply physical punishment; it means being an important influence in the necessary disciplining of a child. The child needs to see mom and dad on the same page about what is expected of him and what happens when he does something wrong.

It isn’t unusual for dad to be the one who builds things around the house. A child watches and learns as dad puts up a light or builds a fence. These are great learning experiences.

When helping to put toys and games away, it isn’t enough to just play a game with your little one (although that is important) and then walk away. You need to show him that putting the things away is part of the game.

Sharing joy together is important. When dad is excited about the holidays, it adds to the event. Let dad be the one who builds the fire and sits and enjoys it. When the child sees this, you are teaching him about these special moments of happiness. It is almost as good as roasting marshmallows together.

Demonstrating love for the mother is one of the most important lessons a father can help teach a child. Parents are the ones who teach the child about relationships. Parents teach him about love and how it is demonstrated. Holding hands during a walk, hugging her unexpectedly, talking positively about her to others, and telling the child how much you love his mom are all lessons in relationships. These lessons will be talked about for the next generation.

I am sure there are many other ways dads are important. If you are a dad, think of the other ways but look at these too. Can you improve what you are doing? Do you know you are so important? Are you on your way to being a Super Dad or are you maybe already there?

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Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.